“Now let me explain.”
I’ve been delving a bit into a sense of personal exploration and learning more about myself, just on a whim. For the most part, I’ve been trying to understand why I do the things I do. -- said to me that ... still has me wrapped around his finger while he plays on my emotions. -- told me that he doesn’t think ... really has my best interest at heart. I’ve decided to just listen to what my heart is telling me. I didn’t mean for it all to happen this way, it’s just that sometimes the past and present collide and they both stay lingering like dust. With -- there is a comfort and a closeness that I cannot let go. With ... I am intrigued beyond belief and happier than ever, wanting more and more while opening myself up slowly. With -- I am already open. I’m not confused or torn between the two; there is a clear direction I am going. But learning to transition from one relationship to another without burning bridges has been difficult.
I didn’t take enough time in-between to find myself again, but this wasn’t intentional on my part. When I started talking to ... I was sure, but the friendship we already had was so easy. Instead of sliding into a relationship, it was a conscious choice for both of us. -- on the other hand is very different. I truly want the best for him, and truly would like to keep him in my life as a friend, as he was the only friend I felt I had at times, and because I love the joy we get from each other.
As far as ... I am falling for him more each day, but I am purposefully practicing patience, trying to do things differently for once. I don’t want to create something where there is nothing real. I am holding my deepest emotions in until I can’t anymore, though I am almost certain that he is everything I have been waiting for. Even if it doesn’t work out, I’m enjoying the time I have with him now, trying not to be too forward-focused.
